My Dear Future Children,
Dem say philosophy is good for your brains. All these Spinoza, Descartes, Russell, Hobbes and philosophical jagbanjatis that I've fed my head with will come handy when you're birthed. Every action will be an exercise in philosophy. Instead of "are there cookies for you to eat?” expect - "Use a pantheistic argument to form a deterministic theory as proof that right in front of us from a material lens-view are crumby consumables worth eating for your existential survival." Whatever danger I do to your brain with philosophy, your mother will cure with paracetamol; just pass your exams.