Don't Be Like Chris Ogunlowo

This is Chris Ogunlowo (He looks like a stick drawing already so no need for an image)

He uses an iPhone 6.

He saved all his money to buy this phone.

He’s been drinking garri because of this.

He needed to buy a car charger for his iPhone.

He should have bought one from iStore Lagos but he remembered the one he bought there got missing, and it was expensive. So, he’d rather not visit the iStore again to avoid moving from Garri-living to Saliva-living.

He took a risk and bought a car charger in a Lagos traffic.

Only a week after, just yesterday evening, on a random waka waka, he heard a small sound in his jalopy.

He wondered what it was.

He pulled over to inspect.

He found nothing.

He continued driving.

And then.


Thick white smokes.

Yes, smokes appeared in the car.

He found its source.

It was from his phone’s charging port.

He figured it has to be the substandard charger from Lagos traffic.

He got home to use a proper charger.

The phone didn’t respond.

The remaining battery was running out.

He struggled to quickly complete some half-gists, to add his thoughts on some WhatsApp Groups, make planned phone calls, to finish the half-composed post on Chicken Republic, and to backup all content in the past 24 hours.

Too late.

He remembered he had just agreed to catch up with a significant person at Taruwa, Bogobiri, on Tuesday.

He’d lost the person’s phone number.

He hadn’t backed up some new phone contacts in the past 24 hours.

Battery, 3%.



He quickly told a few people via Facebook inbox and Twitter DM about his condition.

He told others to only reach him via Facebook Calls.

Withdrawal Syndrome set it.

Phone died.


He still wondered what to do.

He asked Google (from his laptop – another gadget with an already damaged power pack).

Google has no suitable answer.

He wondered how to do a power troubleshooting on a dead phone.

He wondered whether to pray to Gosh.

Or God.

He knows about a God that raises the dead.

He is not sure if the same God raises dead iPhones.

He remembered the words of a spiritual master that suggested calmness in the middle of storm.

He wondered if the instructions would work during a phone crisis.

He wondered if anyone had done yoga for the sake of a friggin’ dead iPhone.

He used the instructions notwithstanding.


But there was still a faint smoke from the dead phone.

Maybe the battery got burnt.

Chris Ogunlowo is beating himself for damaging a N185, 000 phone with a N700 substandard car phone charger. In a Buhari economy.

Now he is phoneless. And may be for a long time.

Don’t be like Chris Ogunlowo.

Chris Ogunlowo is full of shit.

The post appeared first on Facebook. The comments are pretty hilarious and consoling.