This chat had happened before my previous post on Linda Ikeji. It's an annoying Google chat I had with an editor/friend, who enjoys insulting me. Only mosquitoes get on my nerves as “S” does. Her routine of insults includes everything from calling me a skinny and hopeless single, and meme-ing pictures of a certain ex-girlfriend and I. I always regret how I allowed her access to the pictures. I shared this chat on Facebook. It became popular with Facebook friends who ended up admiring her against what I had expected. But the only admirable thing is her editing skills. Only if the world knew how really crazy S is and how I'm scheming to frustrate her forever. (I know you'd read this. Go to hell! lol).
Me: How far? You haven't replied me. Are you on another sex vacation with your husband?
S: You're a fool. I don't have your time this evening.
Me: Ok, sorry. But have you read the piece?
S: I hate the article.
Me: Well, that's good. Maybe you'd help improve it. Isn't that why you're an awesome editor!
S: No, don't patronize me.
Me: So why don't you like it?
S: It's a good piece but you mentioned Linda for about 40 times. Confess, you've been having "something" with Linda.
Me: Loooooool. Ode ni e. Onisokuso. Why will you say that? I don't even know her.
S: You do.
Me: No. She's not aware of my existence.
S: And you carry her matter like this?
Me: Well, just something interesting to write about. But it's really not about her. It's something more.
S: I also told you to stop writing like you talk
Me: Oh wow! What about that?
S: One doesn't know when you're serious or when you're not. Why will you write orisirisi?
Me: lol. But it's a word.
S: Not an English word.
Me: It conveys the sense anyway.
S: I replaced it with etc. etc.
Me: I prefer it left at orisirisi. Have you noticed etc. etc. sound like orisirisi?
S: Be serious for once in your life.
Me: Who's complaining?
S: I am. If my opinion doesn't count, why do you ask me to edit your work?
Me: Chill. No be fight.
S: Or just italicize it.
S: Fuck you.
Me: I hope you do
S: You're a fool. I'm married.
Me: You started it.
S: You should change the title too.
Me: To what?
S: I don't know
Me: A Phenomenon Called Linda Ikeji?
S: That's dumb.
Me: The Persecution of Linda Ikeji?
Me: lol. You're being stupid right? Call it dumb again and I will insult your husband. Ode.
S: Fool. You can't dare. You no fit.
Me: Was he blind he married you?
S: Chris, boundaries!
Me: lol. E pain you? Boundary ko, bondage ni. Oya, what title?
S: Keep thinking
Me: You're just useless
S: But you need me
Me: Lindafication of Nigerian Journalism?
S: Stupid & too serious.
Me: The Trials of Linda Ikeji
S: Irrelevant. Someone already used that on Facebook. Adelakun, I think.
Me: Oh ok... You know what, just send me what you've edited. I will sort the title. I need to quickly publish it.
S: By the way, you dey on Linda Ikeji matter what happened to Eku Edewor?
Me: None of your business
S: Confused young man. You go tey.
Me: Fuck you
S: You wish lol