An Annoying Google Chat

This chat had happened before my previous post on Linda Ikeji. It's an annoying Google chat I had with an editor/friend, who enjoys insulting me. Only mosquitoes get on my nerves as “S” does. Her routine of insults includes everything from calling me a skinny and hopeless single, and meme-ing pictures of a certain ex-girlfriend and I. I always regret how I allowed her access to the pictures. I shared this chat on Facebook. It became popular with Facebook friends who ended up admiring her against what I had expected. But the only admirable thing is her editing skills. Only if the world knew how really crazy S is and how I'm scheming to frustrate her forever. (I know you'd read this. Go to hell! lol).

Me: How far? You haven't replied me. Are you on another sex vacation with your husband? 

S: You're a fool. I don't have your time this evening.

Me: Ok, sorry. But have you read the piece?

S: I hate the article.

Me: Well, that's good. Maybe you'd help improve it. Isn't that why you're an awesome editor!

S: No, don't patronize me.

Me: So why don't you like it?

S: It's a good piece but you mentioned Linda for about 40 times. Confess, you've been having "something" with Linda.

Me: Loooooool. Ode ni e. Onisokuso. Why will you say that? I don't even know her.

S: You do.

Me: No. She's not aware of my existence.

S: And you carry her matter like this?

Me: Well, just something interesting to write about. But it's really not about her. It's something more.

S: I also told you to stop writing like you talk

Me: Oh wow! What about that?

S: One doesn't know when you're serious or when you're not. Why will you write orisirisi?

Me: lol. But it's a word.

S: Not an English word.

Me: It conveys the sense anyway.

S: I replaced it with etc. etc.

Me: I prefer it left at orisirisi. Have you noticed etc. etc. sound like orisirisi?

S: Be serious for once in your life.

Me: Who's complaining?

S: I am. If my opinion doesn't count, why do you ask me to edit your work?

Me: Chill. No be fight.

S: Or just italicize it.

Me: Nope.

S: Fuck you.

Me: I hope you do 

S: You're a fool. I'm married.

Me: You started it.

S: You should change the title too.

Me: To what?

S: I don't know

Me: A Phenomenon Called Linda Ikeji?

S: That's dumb.

Me: The Persecution of Linda Ikeji?

S: Dumber

Me: lol. You're being stupid right? Call it dumb again and I will insult your husband. Ode.

S: Fool. You can't dare. You no fit.

Me: Was he blind he married you?

S: Chris, boundaries!

Me: lol. E pain you? Boundary ko, bondage ni. Oya, what title?

S: Keep thinking

Me: You're just useless

S: But you need me

Me: Lindafication of Nigerian Journalism?

S: Stupid & too serious.

Me: The Trials of Linda Ikeji

S: Irrelevant. Someone already used that on Facebook. Adelakun, I think.

Me: Oh ok... You know what, just send me what you've edited. I will sort the title. I need to quickly publish it.

S: By the way, you dey on Linda Ikeji matter what happened to Eku Edewor?

Me: None of your business

S: Confused young man. You go tey.

Me: Fuck you

S: You wish lol

Smh